爆笑英语演讲开场白

　　1. As a speaker, I’ve only had two complaints from audiences. One, that I talk so loud they can’t fall asleep. And two, that I talk so long they can’t stay awake.

　　2. Some people suffer from stage fright. I don’t. The stage doesn’t bother me at all. It’s the audience that scares the hell out of me!...

　　3. At one time or another, I think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock. I know if I could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, I’d be the happiest person in this room. Because that’s when I left my speech on the kitchen table...

　　4. I don’t want to brag, but the last time I did this it brought the audience to its feet. And they never sat down again until they reached their cars...

　　5. If I’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me. This is the first after-dinner speech I’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in McDonald’s...

　　6. I’m not used to speaking to such a large audience. The one thing that gives me courage is that I’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me.

　　7. People always ask me why I wear a big red ten gallon hat (or some other very noticeable article of clothing) and I tell them. It has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life. For instance, I know that no matter what happens, the good Lord is watching over us. Then again, there are now six billion of us, so I want to make darn sure He can pick me out of the crowd...