【研究生英语2课文】
How to deal with compliments
H. Allen Smith
Although I am sure that beards can make me more distinguished, walk on the street would make women laugh, but I'm from a beard, the reason is that I did not dare to adventure, because even if a little beard also is very dangerous, it will attract other people's compliment. For example, if a woman comes up to me and says, "your beard is the most charming," I will be at a loss and I will not know what to say. I might panic and blurt out, "I like your beard, too."
In social intercourse, it is much more difficult to cope with compliments than to deal with insults. It sounds paradoxical, but there is some truth in it. When it comes to small talk, most of us are at a loss. For example, when someone said a nice compliment and a compliment, we were too nervous to say anything, and our knees started to shake.
I simply can't accept it if others praise it for something that is not really my own. My family lived on a hill overlooking a wide valley. The visitor exclaimed, "heavens! What a beautiful view you have here! The whole valley was there, not mine, nor mine. But I smirked and said, "oh, nothing - nothing but the land of the past."
When I accept this particular compliment, the best way to say it is "well, we like it." This answer must be carefully guarded. To say "we like" something, the implication is that many others find it annoying. Not long ago, when I was with a group of people, one of them, a geophysicist from Australia, was gushing about the wonders of the universe. "The earth we live in," he said, "is a remarkable, lively, spinning planet composed of some incredible wonders." Then there was a long pause. At this time, a woman attracted by his extremely exaggerated compliment said, "well, we like this earth." I think it's wrong to take a negative and demeaning attitude to flattery. "What a beautiful dress! "Your friend praised. 'oh, such old clothes! "You answered. This scenario is very similar to the one I mentioned above. You have no right to be ashamed or annoyed when someone compliments your gown -- unless it happens to be your own. If you say so, "I bought it in the basement of the maisie mall and another woman in a scramble," you might feel better. Or "my husband picked it for me," and that's fine.
I know a man who has been studying this problem, and he has come up with a way to avoid the praise of others. He adopted an unconscionable realism. One night I overheard a woman say to him, "your shoulders are so powerful!" He answered, without blinking an eye: "three-quarters of the water. Three quarters of my body is water, so I have three quarters of my shoulders water. Anything that has three quarters of water is actually not going to be powerful." The kind woman murmured, frowning away. I think there's a problem with the way this guy answers.
Many of us try to use wisecracking to deal with flattery. For example, someone said enthusiastically, "smell your name." "I don't think it's a good name," was the standard answer. This witty response should be placed in government regulations. It might horrify me, because I'm not a wisecrack. I recently heard a young man praising a girl who said she was like a star Greta garbo. "Flattery will get you everywhere," she replied. I think that's a pretty good answer. But there is a real repartee in the hundreds of thousands of responses. Only people like dorothy parker or George kaufman can handle it.
Artists and writers face a particular problem. When a new car comes down, the person in charge can bring outside people in, point to the car and say, "isn't she pretty?" The person who paints, the person who writes the book or the composer cannot do that. "Said the friend of the poet proffer." prover, the sonnet you wrote last time, is wonderful and rhyming." In fact, prover was perfectly in agreement with his friends, but he could not say so. "Well, actually," he objected, "you know very well that the last six lines don't rhyme."
As the author of a pile of books, I sometimes face this situation. Someone would say, "I think it's interesting that your new book." I should be able to answer, "oh, I'm glad someone likes it
"-- I was having a hard time writing." "Or," I think it's a good book too." But I can't say that. In fact, an unwritten rule of the author makes me say, "you must be a poor man of literature."
I have turned to my children for tips on how to deal with compliments. Too little children can help. For example, say to a little boy, "oh, you're so cute!" How did he react? He would run around the house, his tongue sticking out of his mouth, and his eyes would roll around, showing a threatening look. I can do this too, but I don't think it's socially acceptable. Or try to compliment a little girl, "what a beautiful dress you have!" You marvel. She immediately raised her skirt to show her petticoat, then she lifted the petticoat to show you the best look of her underwear. It doesn't work in adult society.
I thought for a moment that the spanish-speaking people in the world were the best at rhetoric, and perhaps they could learn something from them. You say to one of them, "I've never seen such a beautiful house before," and he immediately replied, "you're going to be a little bit more handsome." You're standing there, embarrassed. It's no use going back to them - no matter what they say, they always have the upper hand.
One thing is clear: in all decent social situations, it is essential to stay calm. Elisa peleg wrote one of the earliest books on etiquette in the United States. She tells a story in her book that clarifies the importance of keeping calm. It was at an elegant dinner in New England, when the goose, when the master cut the goose, slipped off the plate and landed on the dress of a lady. If I meet this situation, I will feel extremely embarrassed, I will secretly find a rope to hang. But the master was as cool as a cucumber. He said in a very calm and dignified manner, "madam, you will give me the goose, and I will be very grateful." Our social life would be much more interesting if we were able to maintain our manners and get rid of our awkwardness.
If we keep this in mind, we'll be more calm: whenever someone compliments you, he probably just wants to talk to you. The only sensible answer is that eight little letters form two neat little words: Thank you!
【翻译】
如何应对恭维
H·艾伦·史密斯
尽管我确信蓄胡子会使我更加气度不凡,走在大街上会使女性发笑,但我从不留胡子,原因是我不敢冒险,因为哪怕蓄一点点胡子也很危险,它会招来别人的恭维。例如,如果一位女士走到我跟前,说道:“你的胡子最迷人,”我会无所适从,不知怎样回答才好。我可能会惊慌得脱口而出:“我也喜欢您的胡子。”
在社会交往中,应对恭维比对付辱骂要艰难得多,这话听起来有点矛盾,却有一定的道理。闲聊时来句恭维话,往往让我们大多数人不知所措。例如,有人对我们说上一句动听、赞美的话,我们就慌得说不出话来,膝盖开始瑟瑟发抖。
如果别人称赞不是真正属于我自己的东西时,我根本无法欣然接受。我家住在一个小山上,俯瞰山下一片宽广的谷地。来访者惊叹道:“天哪!你这儿的景色太美了!”整个山谷原本就在那里,不是我造的,也不属于我。然而我傻乎乎地笑着说:“噢,没什么—— 无非是过去留下的一片土地而已。”
我在接受这种特定的恭维时,表示最能完全接受的说法就是“嗯,我们喜欢。”采用这种答话必须得小心谨慎。就某样东西说“我们喜欢”,言外之意就是,还有许多其他人都认为它很令人讨厌。不久前,我和一批人在一起时,其中有位来自澳大利亚的地球物理学家在滔滔不绝地谈论宇宙中的奇观。“我们生活的这个地球,”他说道,“是个了不起的、生机勃勃的、旋转的行星,是由一些不可思议的奇观组合而成。”随后便是长时间的停顿。这时,一位被他的这种极度夸张的恭维话所吸引的妇女,禁不住说道,“嗯,我们喜欢这个地球。” 我认为,对待恭维采取否定和贬低的态度是错误的。“多漂亮的礼服啊!”你的朋友赞美道。“噢,这么破的旧衣服!”你回答道。这种情景,与我上述提出的观点非常相似。别人赞美你的礼服,你无权为此感到羞愧或恼怒——除非这件礼服恰好是你自己亲手缝制的。如果你这么说,“我是在麦茜商场的地下室和另一个妇女经过一番争抢才买下来的,”你可能会感觉更好些。或者说“是我丈夫特为我挑选的”,这样还要好。
我认识一个潜心研究这种问题的人,他想出了一个办法来避开别人的表扬。他采取了一种不近情理的现实态度。一天夜里我无意中听到一位妇女对他说,“你的肩膀真有力啊!”他眼睛眨也没眨就回答道:“四分之三的水。我的身体有四分之三是水,所以我的肩膀有四分之三是水。任何有四分之三是水的东西实际上是不可能有力的。”这位好心的妇女低声嘀咕着,皱着眉头走开了。我想这个家伙回答的方式有问题。
我们当中有许多人试图用俏皮话来应对恭维。例如,有人热情洋溢地说道,“久闻您的大名。” “我想,不是什么好名声吧,”这是标准的回答。这种俏皮机智的应答,应该置于政府的'规定之中。它也许会让我惊骇不已,因为我本人很不善于说俏皮话。最近我听到一位年轻人赞美一个女孩,说她像明星格丽泰· 嘉宝一样,美若天仙。“奉承让你走遍天下,”她回答道。我想,这个回答相当不错。但是,在千百次的应对中才会有一句真正巧妙的应答。只有像多萝西·帕克或乔治·考夫曼这样的人才能应对自如。
艺术家和作家面临着一个特殊的问题。当一辆新车下线时,负责人可以把外界人士请进来,指着车子,挺着胸脯说,“难道她不漂亮吗?”而绘画的人、写书的人或作曲的人却不能这样做。诗人普洛弗的朋友赞叹说,“普洛弗,你上次写的那首十四行诗,妙极了,非常押韵。”其实,普洛弗内心完全同意朋友的评价,但他嘴上却不能这样说。“噢,其实,”他反对道,“你很清楚,最后六行不大押韵。”
作为写了一摞书的作者,我有时也面临着这种情形。有人会说,“你的那本新书,我觉得很有趣。”我似乎应该可以回答,“啊,有人喜欢它,我很高兴
—— 我当时写得好苦啊。”或者这样回答,“我也认为这本书写得很好。”可是,我不能这样说。实际上,著书人的一条不成文的规定使我不得不这样说, “你这个人,文学鉴赏水平一定很差劲。”
为寻找应对恭维的技巧,我还求助过孩子们。太小的孩子根本帮不了忙。例如,对一个小男孩说,“啊,你好可爱噢!”他怎么反应?他会满屋子跑来跑去,舌头伸出嘴角,眼珠转来转去,显出一付吓唬人的样子。我也可以这样做,但是我想这在社交场合是不能被接受的。或者试着称赞一个小女孩,“你的裙子好漂亮啊!”你惊叹道。她马上掀起裙子,以示她的衬裙更好看,接着她又掀起衬裙给你看,以示她的内裤最好看。这种做法在成人社会里是行不通的。
我想了片刻,觉得世界上讲西班牙语的人最善于辞令,也许可以从他们身上学到点什么。你对他们中的一个人赞叹说,“我从来没见过这么漂亮的房子”,他马上答道,“您大驾光临,更使蓬荜生辉。”让你站在那儿,一脸尴尬。要想回敬他们是没有用的——不管说什么,最后他们总会占上风。
有一点很清楚:在所有得体的社交场合,最根本的就是保持镇定。伊利莎·法勒写过一本美国最早的有关礼仪方面的书。她在书中讲述了一个故事,阐明保持镇定的重要性。那是在新英格兰举行的一次高雅的宴会上,主人切鹅时,鹅不慎脱手,滑出了盘子,落在一位贵妇人的衣裙上。要是我遇到这种情况,我会感到极为窘迫,恨不得悄悄地找根绳子去上吊。可是,这位主人却泰然自若。他极为平静而庄重地说,“夫人,您把那鹅给我,我将感激不尽。”要是我们的行为举止都能保持这种风度,摆脱局促不安,那我们的社交生活就会有趣得多。
如果我们牢记下面这一点,我们就会显得更加镇定自如:每当有人恭维你时,他可能只是想和你说说话。唯一明智的回答就是由八个小小的字母构成两个简洁的小词:Thank you !
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